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by the ballet brain

Dancer, Nicia John for The Ballet Brain Blog


Dancer, Nicia John for The Ballet Brain Blog

The Weight

Today, I’m a little bit overwhelmed. I’ve been in search of a way to practically allow the arts and sciences to set off a domino effect of interdisciplinary thinking as a daily routine in people’s lives. In the last three weeks, I’ve shared this idea with quite a few people, and it appears that there are crowds in search of the solution that lies at the end of this search. This art-science initiative impacts so many people’s lives, and I feel the weight. It’s heavy. It’s loud. It’s strong.

People have questions, concerns, comments, stories… It’s stressful to feel like I have to know all the answers. Yet, God is in control.

While in Europe, God gave me the hunch that I’d have to start being more vulnerable about my past because it’s one way people will listen to what I have to say. Today, someone asked a question about privilege and art-science. I see now, in hindsight, that God was preparing me to come forward about my lack of privilege in pursuing art and science. I didn’t have access to elite teachers or mentors. No mirrored, sprung-floor studios… All my successes are because of Him.

It’s unbelievable how the the ideas and people I come across seem to manifest from a wealth of detail and intentionality beyond anything I could have conjured — it feels scary. It’s the exact timings of little things. My decisions. The things I watch. The places I go. The people I talk to. It’s so interconnected, I don’t know if I could explain it all. It’s most scary to realize that I’m not in control.

The thing is, this is what I asked for. I asked God to take control of it all. I asked Him to take the lead, and He’s doing just that. So, inspire of my lack of comprehension, I will continue to surrender.

At the end of it all, I hold no responsibility for any of impact resulting from this ongoing project. It’s all Him. For His glory and for His kingdom. Thank you, Lord.

I am humbled.

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